Baby Skywalker: A New Hope

Would you care to join me on a new journey? This is a journey of hope. A hope for tomorrow. A hope for new life.

We are once again assured of God’s providence in gifting us a new baby, a child that we so desperately want in our lives. A chance to try again and do things a little differently.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” 1 John 5:14-15

IMG_2399

Too soon? Maybe for some. But it feels right for us. Waiting would have only prolonged the pain. Waiting would have forced me to fit back in my non-pregnant clothes, or buy a whole new wardrobe. Waiting would have been telling Little Monster as she asked daily that there is no more baby in my belly. Waiting would have added more time and distance between Little Miss and a new baby, making our loss more evident in our family make up. I am elated that after much prayer (and the green flag from the doctor), we conceived so quickly. That my body could bounce back so quickly to begin growing another tiny little human again.

IMG_2405.JPG

Pregnancy after loss is a scary thing. For a while I thought of nothing but hope. But then fear started to take hold. I shook it off as best I could. Why is it any scarier than any other pregnancy? Because our innocence is lost. Now we know that anything can happen. We have lived it. We know the heart ache of loss. We know we are not immune to loss.

“I’ve had victories and I’ve had losses, and I’ve learned that it’s the losses that require us to be brave. So if anything will make us heroes…” King Arthur of Camelot “…It’s the never giving up, even after a loss.” Prince Charming/David (Once Upon A Time, Siege Perilous)

One of the differences in this pregnancy is that now I’m high risk. When you have a stillbirth for unknown reasons, your subsequent pregnancies will require more monitoring. It doesn’t mean I am less healthy than I was before. It doesn’t mean that I will have more medicalized care or labor, although I will likely be at the hospital this time. It simply means we will watch the baby grow more closely. We will run extra tests that we didn’t do before. I can’t change it, so I am trying to embrace this process as I learn more about it.

I have already had my first appointment with the high risk doctor – the doctor who performed my last ultrasound before Faith’s induction. We chose him because of his compassion. I was not disappointed with our decision as we sat face to face for 45 minutes going over my history in detail, my emotional well-being, and our plan for care this pregnancy. All the while, Littles Monster and Miss were bouncing around the exam room spreading graham cracker crumbs all over. They did not phase him in the least. He was very accommodating and when asked if I could have a viability ultrasound to relieve some anxiety, he helped me schedule it for first thing the next morning. Baby Skywalker is doing well and has a strong heartbeat! A little flickering dot.

IMG_2401.JPG

This baby will never replace Baby Faith. She meant so much to our family. She changed us. Baby Skywalker will change us in a whole new way. That’s the gift of God. He knows each child by name. Each one is an individual. Regardless of how short the life, they have their own personalities and effect on us. It also doesn’t mean that I’m done grieving. Some wise older women have shown me that the grieving will never be completely done. You never forget. It just gets easier to live.

This will be a Christmas baby, born during the Advent season. How fitting. How amazing is God’s handiwork! We lost our forever baby during the Lenten season, a time when we reflect on the sacrifice of Christ and His love for us. We hope to welcome this new baby during Advent, a season of Hope, when we wait expectantly for the baby who came to save us all. The symbolism is not lost on me.

Please join me in prayer for a healthy pregnancy and a strong baby.

Father, protect this baby as it grows. Help it to grow strong and healthy. Nurture a heart of hope and love. Protect our family from the fears and anxieties that take hold. Help us to turn to You instead, to trust Your love for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Are you ready to watch some growth?

IMG_2384

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Baby Skywalker: A New Hope

  1. I am so happy for you and your family!!!I love your reference to lent and advent!Your words and faith inspire me! Thank you for sharing and I can’t wait to see this little one grow healthy and strong!Praying for you all!😊

    Like

    • Thanks, Jan! As soon as I found out I was due during Advent my jaw dropped, and then I smiled a great big smile. God is good. This Christmas will be unlike any other! Thank you for your prayers.

      Like

  2. Congratulations! I will be praying for you. I have had two miscarriages, and I know that the next pregnancy is so scary. And I have a friend who suffered through 2 late term miscarraiges, having to deliver one of the babies. It was tragic for her, and she really struggled a lot. But God has blessed her with another beautiful baby. It was an emotional pregnancy for her, never knowing what was coming, but she too, drew strength from God and the prayers of family and friends. I wish the best for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for your prayers. It means so much to me, and I certainly draw strength from the prayers of many. I’m so sorry for your losses as well. I can’t imagine going through a loss times two. It’s encouraging to hear of other women who were able to have healthy pregnancies after loss as well. There is so much hope in new life, no matter how small.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s