I can’t believe it has been a year. I miss my baby Faith everyday. But everyday I see how she has changed our lives for the better and I’m so thankful. This whole week I have been remembering all the details from a year ago. From the realization I hadn’t felt movement, to the ultrasound that revealed there was no heartbeat. The long labor and delivery. Continue reading
Little Man had his 2-month appointment yesterday. He is a thriving, growing boy. At 12lbs12oz he has already gained 5lbs5oz from his birth weight. He has reflux. He DOESN’T have a food allergy. After a month of dairy free living, I’ve been eating dairy all week with no reaction!!! I still have an oversupply but we’re managing it. The oversupply is likely what caused the allergy-like symptoms which led me to eliminate dairy and soy from my diet. He probably has a tongue tie, it is visible, but it’s not to the point that movement is restricted, and clearly he doesn’t have a transfer issue, so we’ll let it be for now. I was reminded once again how much I LOVE my pediatrician. She is a real human being and talks with me like I’m a thinking human being too.
Already we have been blessed by another author who also happens to work with NILMDTS, and edited our picture of baby Faith into a beautiful keepsake where she actually looks like the peaceful baby that I so briefly held in my arms instead of the stillborn baby under flourescent lighting. I was so thankful that the hospital took pictures of her, but wished for better quality. One of my regrets was that we didn’t take our own pictures of her while I held her. So this is an amazing gift as we approach her one-year stillbirthday. I now have a picture I can show my living children of their sister that we lost too soon.
I continue to volunteer with our local babywearing chapter. I love having another outlet for my writing as I help with the blog (even though I’ve totally slacked on this lately!). This group has meant so much to me. From them I learned how to wear Little Miss with confidence so that I could care for both her and Little Monster when she was little. I have gained so many friendships through the group. They were a huge help to me when we lost baby Faith. They have continued to support me in my mommyhood journey. The group is constantly evolving as people move away or babies grow out of wearing, but the friendships remain.
We’re a week into January and I’m finally starting to look to the new year and make some goals. This is pretty typical for me though. I have a January birthday, so I always give myself a little extra time to ‘debrief’ from the previous year before moving into the new one. Especially this year – 2016 was extra… eventful. I hadn’t planned it, but the themes of 2016 ended up being community, thankfulness, and family. My Bible verse for the year was Jeremiah 29:11-13, “‘For I know the Plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you….'” Continue reading
I didn’t want Little Man’s pregnancy and life to forever be in Faith’s shadow, but she shaped who we are today. Little Man wouldn’t be here if not for Faith’s tiny life. This is beauty from the ashes.
There are times when I look down at him while nursing that I realize I never got to experience those tender moments with Faith. I will never know what it would have felt like to feed her. To watch her as she dozed off, satisfied in what I can offer. Continue reading
We’ve had a cold in our house for a month, off and on. It started with Little Miss, then moved on to Little Monster and me, and finally to the Hubby. Even Little Man caught it at just a week old. We had soup on the menu a week before his birth, with plans for an easy dinner of canned soup, but when Little Miss was feeling so rough I decided I needed to feed her the good stuff. I made extra and canned it to have a super easy, delicious, healing meal after Baby Skywalker arrived. It was so nice to open up some homemade goodness in a can just days after the birth. Continue reading
Pregnancy after loss is hard. There are so many doubts and fears. So much pressure to do the right thing this time. Prenatal care is treated differently. While it is a joyful time of hope and anticipation, it is also a scary time because your innocence is lost. You know that anything can happen at any time, and it is completely out of your control. All you can do is pray.
But pregnancy after loss can be hard for your children too. Continue reading
I am once again reminded that nothing is gained by worrying. I was more anxious about this birth than the others. But this baby is our New Hope. I kept reminding myself throughout pregnancy that my hope comes from the Lord. That He is in control. As induction drew nearer I found more things to worry about. Labor and delivery has never worked out exactly according to our plan, but each of our births have been so empowering and a reminder of God’s providence. I had to believe this one would be no different. Continue reading
Have I mentioned how amazing the Hubby is? He spent his four-day Thanksgiving break completing my projects around the homestead that I haven’t been able to get done. Including winterizing the garden. Continue reading
The goat kids are eight weeks old now. They are fun, loving, and growing fast! Little Monster can no longer pick them up, which I’m sure they’re thrilled about! They are like little puppy dogs who always want affection. They cry when we leave their pen if we haven’t played with them enough. They cry when we’re outside in the yard but not paying attention to them. They run up to the gate when we approach. They follow us around while we move around the pen. Felicity, the one who at a week old was the more affectionate one, is now the one who is more interested in food. Although she does still love to be near us and loves to be pet. Matilda is now the cuddly one. She loves to sit in my lap and chew her cud. Continue reading